Close

November 16, 2017

Don’t Let Worries Hold You Back from Writing — Guest: Christina Delay

Rope bridge over a chasm with text: Anxious? Don't Let It Stop You from Writing

As writers, we struggle with many aspects of our career that we don’t have control over. We can’t make agents or editors like our story. We can’t force readers to buy our books. We can’t will our way to success.

So we’re always faced with lots of uncertainty no matter what we do. Add in the worries of life, family, day job, etc., and anxiety can surround us.

That’s a problem, as anxiety can make it hard to concentrate, tap into the writing groove, or feel creative at all. So what can we do to not let our worries hold us back?

Christina Delay’s here to help me out during NaNoWriMo, and she’s sharing her insights from her past year of struggles and how she’s learned to move forward despite her worries. We can’t avoid the issue of not being in control, but maybe we can reach a point of not letting our anxiety about our situation get in our way.

Please welcome Christina Delay! *smile*

*****

Lessons from a Year of Forced Growth

by Christina Delay

At the end of 2016, my critique partner and I made a promise to each other. 2017 was going to be our year. We were going to take 2017 by storm, things were going to go our way; publishing contracts, personal success, all the things we’d lined up over the years were going to finally fall into place in 2017.

What happened instead was a year of, what I like to call, “forced growth.”

Can You Relate to “What Doesn’t Kill Us…”?

I don’t know if we can blame 2017 on Mercury, Trump, or El Niño, but I’m not the only person I know to experience a year of forced growth.

Just a quick breakdown of my year:

  • 22 editor rejections between two different manuscripts
  • A surprise pregnancy (which, awesome! But also, ack!)
  • Cancer in the family… round #4
  • Pregnancy complications which included the words “Each New Week is a Win”
  • Taking a newborn home the day Hurricane Harvey hits Houston, then watching floodwaters rise and rise to less than five blocks away in one of the hardest hit communities in Houston
  • Managing a writing cruise departing from Galveston, three weeks after Hurricane Harvey and the day Hurricane Irma made landfall in Florida.

If you can believe it, there’s more, but I’m going to stop there at risk of sounding like I’m whining. I’m not. It’s been not just a hard year, but an anxious year.

Anxious? Don't miss these 6 lessons on how to write through it. Click To TweetI’d love to say I handled each of these moments with grace and maturity. *snort*

Not.

But I did learn. And hopefully, if you’ve had a year like I’ve had, or if you’re experiencing moments of anxiety because of NaNoWriMo or rejections on manuscripts you’ve poured your heart into or personal tragedies or personal attacks, maybe some of the lessons I’ve learned will come in handy for you too.

6 Lessons on Overcoming (or at least Working Through) Anxiety

Lesson #1: Breathe and Count to Ten

It seems simple, but the benefits of deep breathing have been well studied and documented.

  • Feeling stressed? Breathing deep releases endorphins into your system to help you better handle the stressors.
  • Feeling pain? Those endorphins also act as a painkiller.
  • Feeling angry? Breathing and counting to ten gives you a momentary respite, allowing you to keep your cool and think more clearly.
  • Feeling panicked? Breathing deep helps you to remain grounded.

Another technique to release stress is called Progressive Muscle Relaxation which, when done properly, is more relaxing than a day at the spa, and cheaper too.

Lesson #2: Ask Yourself “What’s the Worst that Can Happen?” and “What’s the Probability of that Happening?”

This one’s hard, and it may not work for everyone or in every situation.

For example: I played this game with the writing cruise. What’s the worst that could happen? The cruise line cancels the cruise, refunds everyone’s money plus gives them a credit for the inconvenience, and we reschedule.

See, not so bad. When I looked at the probability of the worst happening, I realized my super-high level of worry wasn’t reasonable to the reality and facts being presented.

I did not play this game with the pregnancy complications. The worst was too horrible, and too easy to imagine, and the probability too high.

Lesson #3: Lean into Your Belief System

Whatever your beliefs are, these are the moments to lean on them. And be honest.

I prayed many times about my specific worries. I got angry. I cried. But talking it out, leaning into my belief system, brought me comfort and peace in my worst moments.

And hey, let’s face it. This writing gig is a tough career choice, and it requires a great amount of faith in the future and belief in yourself.

Lesson #4: Don’t Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable

I tend to shut myself off from my support system when I’m going through crap. I don’t want to bother anyone with my troubles.

But what I learned this year is I’m not bothering anyone. Neither are you.

It’s okay to show people that you’re going through a tough time. If you don’t, how can they support you? And when we cut ourselves off, that isolation has the tendency to make everything seem way bigger than it is.

Vulnerability is a good thing. A scary thing, but a good thing. Rejection stings, but talking it over with your support group and hearing their stories can take the sting away.

Lesson #5: Practice Gratitude

This one is hard when you’re in the thick of it, but it has the wonderful ability to help refocus your energy.

  • When you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed, think of three things you are grateful for. Be specific. Make each a statement:
    “I’m thankful for my daughter and her creative spirit. I’m thankful for sleeping through the night and feeling rested. I’m thankful for the abundance of chocolate in my house.”
  • When you find yourself on the worry wheel, think of three new things you are grateful for.

Gratitude is powerful, and focusing on what we are thankful for helps us to see that what we are worried about isn’t the only thing we have going on in our lives.

Lesson #6: It Will Be Okay

I know what you’re thinking. Sure, it’s okay until it’s not.

Okay, yes, true. But, the truth is, you’ll either find a new normal, or your worries will pfft go away.

The main thing I’ve learned this year is no matter how bad things seemed to get, my anxiety level was always higher than what actually happened. And you know what? Me worrying my way through this year didn’t change a thing.

It was going to happen as it happened, and all that anxiety did was make it worse. By the time the hurricane hit this year, I’d reached the level of it’s going to be okay. And if it’s not, we’ll get through it. We will get through it.

My critique partner and I have figured out what we did wrong at the end of last year. We asked 2017 to be our year. But 2018? We’re not asking anymore. 2018 is ours.

*****

Christina DelayAbout Christina Delay:

Christina Delay is the hostess of Cruising Writers and an award-winning author represented by Deidre Knight of The Knight Agency. When she’s not cruising the Caribbean, she’s dreaming up new writing retreats to take talented authors on or writing the stories of the imaginary people that live in her heart.

ChristinaDelay.com | Facebook | Twitter

*****

About Cruising Writers:

Cruising Writers brings aspiring authors together with bestselling authors, an agent, an editor, and a world-renowned writing craft instructor together on writing retreats. Cruise with us to Grand Cayman next October with Kristen Lamb (Bestselling Author and Marketing Jedi), Rachel Caine (Bestselling Author of 50+ books), Deidre Knight (The Knight Agency), and Alex Sehulster (St. Martin’s Press).

CruisingWriters.com | Facebook | Twitter

Cruising Writers Goes to Grand Cayman!

*****

Thank you, Christina! I can certainly relate to your year of “forced growth,” so I really appreciate your insights here.

Christina’s Lesson #2 is the one I most need to work on. I tend to worry about every little thing, and as Christina said, the “worst that could happen” usually doesn’t justify my level of anxiety. (As my family reminds me before we leave for a trip, “There are stores where we’re going, so it’s not a big deal if we forget to pack something.” *grin*)

Even if some of the really bad things I’ve worried about did happen, they still wouldn’t be the end of the world. Would they be awful and destructive to my current life? Absolutely. But they’d also eventually become, as Christina put it, “my new normal,” and then I could move forward from there.

Worries about things we can’t control just waste our energy. Worse, they prevent us from focusing on what we can do. *smile*

Have you ever experienced a period of “forced growth”? How did it affect you? Has anxiety ever gotten in your way? Will these lessons help? Do you have any questions for Christina?

Pin It

What do you think?

12 Comments on "Don’t Let Worries Hold You Back from Writing — Guest: Christina Delay"

Notify of
avatar
5000
Click to grab Ironclad Devotion now!
Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Christina Delay

Thank you for having me on today, Jami!

June
June

Tears came to my eyes a couple times as I read this. I understand. This was a bad year for you.

Christina Delay

Thank you for your empathy, June :). 2017 wasn’t all bad – I’ve got a beautiful, smiley baby to show for it and she makes up for all the rest!

Deborah Makarios

Good stuff, Christina! (and congrats on the safe arrival of your little surprise!)
Why is it that things always come in waves? It never rains but it pours, as the saying goes. But the reminder not to worry is always a valuable one. In fact, for Christians it is a command – do not worry about anything!
I’ve definitely got something to work on there, as I bounce my way through the rocky road of self-publishing, learning and adapting as I go. I’ve changed so many horses mid-stream I feel like I should be a circus equestrienne by now – I’m sure you ladies know how it is!

Christina Delay

Thanks Deborah! Yes, that command – it’s so difficult to abide by at times! I feel like the battle against worry is sometimes a second-by-second thing we have to fight, and we only get better with practice. Good luck on your self-publishing endeavors!

Sieran
Sieran
Hey, I’ve always seen myself as someone who is VERY aware of my blessings and good fortune. But I like this technique of yours to think specifically of 3 blessings, rather than a generic “remember your blessings.” And it may be better to think of something more concrete, like, “I’m very thankful that I’ve become great friends with Luke and Leila,” rather than “my friendships have always rocked.” (Lol, no modesty at all…) Concrete examples feel more vivid, emotionally charged, and therefore more convincing than a vague blessing like “I’m doing well at school.” (A better statement of a blessing than “doing well at school,” would be, “I got an A+ in my favorite course in this program, where the prof explicitly said that he rarely gives out A+s and only gives them when he is genuinely impressed!”) Oh, thinking of the worst that can possibly happen. I’m now thinking of what the worst that could possibly happen if I “lose” Nanowrimo. It may sound really sh*tty of me to say, but since I’ve started in 2012, I’ve won Nanowrimo every year, so I don’t want to lose this year either. I want to my winning streak to go on forever. If I lose, then I will lose my reputation with myself of “never losing Nanowrimo.” It sounds terrible of me to say all this, because I know my friends have had many legitimate reasons for not finishing Nanowrimo, for example, health problems, having children to take care of, having… Read more »
Julie Glover

Yeah, the gratitude one is where I need to focus more. I know that when I think about all the good stuff in my life, I see that there’s a balance and I’m really okay, but in the moment of crap flying everywhere, I tend to forget that. And I agree that 2017 sucked, but 2018 is going to be my minion. Get ready, New Year! 😀

Clare O\'Beara
Clare O\'Beara

Life is what happens while we’re making other plans…. but you survived, so well done.

David A. Levine
David A. Levine

Know in advance that some of what you write may be questioned and scoffed at in different ways and your explanations misunderstood. But still “with a pen in hand that turns into a magical brush I continue to paint pictures with words”.
David A. Levine

Laurie Evans
Laurie Evans

Thanks, I needed to read this post.

JOHN T. SHEA
JOHN T. SHEA

Amen! Thank God for chocolate and…MORE chocolate!

Click to grab Unintended Guardian for FREE!
wpDiscuz