Are You Dreaming or Doing?
Schools around the U.S. recently let out for summer, and that means the clichés of graduation speeches were echoing across the land. Variations of “this is only the beginning,” “seize your future,” “be true to yourself,” etc. resonate because they’re all true.
However, every time we start a new journey, whether that’s graduating or starting a new job or project, we’re likely full of dreams based on the potential of that new phase. We imagine how awesome our life might become, now that we’ve taken this next step.
There’s nothing wrong with those dreams, but they are—themselves—just the first step. And that’s where many rah-rah graduation speeches fall short.
Potential Is just the Beginning
A harsh truth is that most people won’t reach their dreams. For an unfortunate few, they’ll fall short through no fault of their own. Life happens, circumstances can be insurmountable, or tragedy can strike too close to home.
But for many others—probably for most others—they won’t reach their dreams because there’s such a gap between wanting something and making it happen. Just because the potential exists doesn’t make it so.
It takes work to make our dreams happen. It often requires us to change, and change is hard.
We might have to take risks, do things we don’t want to do (but that are required for the journey), or get over self-doubt and other fears. Plus, as I mentioned last time, just because we love what we’re doing doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s still work.
Work Toward Our Dreams
Back when I was of the age to be at the receiving end of graduation speeches, I heard the advice to “not rest on your laurels”—and I had absolutely no idea what that phrase meant.
I probably even thought that was a stupid piece of advice. What was the point of working hard if you never got to enjoy it, right? *smile*
But that’s the difference between thinking of life as a destination and as a journey. When we’re young, we might think that we’ll suddenly reach a point where we’re an adult. Where we’re done growing and striving. Where we’ve reached our goal.
We eventually realize that we can be 30, 40, or 50 (or more) and still feel like we’re merely impersonating an adult. *raises hand* At the same time, goals keep us young because to strive is to live.
In fact, if we reach a goal of publishing a book, we might expand that goal to publish five books. There’s no finish line when we can proclaim ourselves done other than death itself.
Time and experience has helped me understand the laurels phrase, but I prefer the Will Rogers version:
We might be in the right place at the right time, but if we’re not grabbing opportunities and taking chances, if we’re not learning and improving, we can still lose.
Working for Our Dreams Will Lead to Failures
Wait…what? Chasing our dreams will lead to failures? Yep.
Pursuing our dreams often means that we need to take risks. Will we spend money to attend that workshop that might help our craft? Will we quit our unfulfilling job to work toward our dream full-time? Will we submit our work to an agent or editor?
Every one of those actions (or any other steps we might need to take) comes with risk. The workshop might be a waste of time or money, we might struggle to pay the bills without a day job, and we might be rejected.
So yes, unless our life goes perfectly 100% of the time (in which case, let me go in on a lottery ticket with you *grin*), some of the risks we take will lead to failures. The point isn’t that we failed, it’s that we tried.
Most mistakes we make won’t be fatal. We can learn from them and improve our chances next time. In other words, even failure leads to growth that avoids the “just sitting there” problem.
Taking action to pursue our dreams is the opposite of just sitting there. If we don’t take any action, we definitely won’t make progress. For as unlikely as it is that our life will go perfectly 100% of the time, it’s even more unlikely that our dreams will be handed to us through no effort on our part.
It could be easy to get discouraged. The world is scary. Taking risks is scary. Things often go wrong, and we can fail horribly.
When we push ourselves, we’ll make mistakes. But if we don’t even try, we will lose.
What Actions Are We Taking to Reach Our Dreams?
So if we don’t want to get run over by just sitting there thinking about our dreams, we have to do something. This is why goals and plans and self-imposed deadlines (with flexibility built in) are so important.
We need a plan for what steps we’ll take to get from our current Point A to the Point B of our dreams. Those steps can be almost anything:
- Make Decisions:
- What genre appeals to us?
- Which agents do we want to query?
- What publishing path will we follow?
- Will we accept a contract offer?
- What cover artist do we want?
- Seek Help:
- Find a mentor and/or supportive friends
- Attend a workshop
- Search for beta readers or critique partners
- Gather feedback
- Build an indie publishing team
- Pursue Self-Improvement:
- Change our attitude
- Identify what skills we’re missing
- Understand our options
- Study what we need to know
- Learn from feedback
Most of those aren’t big steps, and that’s okay. As I talked about last time, the slow and steady can add up over time.
The point isn’t that we’re reaching our goal within a certain time frame or that everything will go smoothly. The point is that we’re making some kind of progress every day we can. And that’s how we can turn our dreams into reality. *smile*
Do you know others who have dreams but never follow through? Have you ever struggled with that issue? What do you find hardest about moving forward or making progress? What advice would you give to someone who seems “stuck” and needs to take action? Do you have suggestions for other ways we can make progress?
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One thing that I find causes a lot of folks (including me) to stumble: Stop focusing on what you “can’t” do. Like, if you want to write a novel but literally don’t have time to sit at a computer and write, don’t focus on that inability to sit at a computer. Focus on what you could do, like maybe dictation while driving between the grocery store and picking up the kids, or one of those waterproof notepads for when you’re relaxing in the shower or bath (and then you could pay a kid some low rate to type it up for you). When you don’t think you can do something, why not? Unless it’s an actual physical limitation, the answer to how you can actually do whatever it is can often be found by digging into that “why not?” Maybe it won’t be the exact same form—like, you want to be an editor, but you can’t afford to be an unpaid intern at a major publisher, so you consider what specifically you want to do and jump from there. As for “physical limitations”, I mean actual physical limitations. For example, though I’d intellectually enjoy hiking on nature trails, I’m literally allergic to the outdoors (grass, trees, shrubs, flowers, cacti) and have chronic fatigue/adrenal problems. It would be foolish of me to even try…unless I can get those health issues mitigated, less severe. But you know what? If I can never safely go on a day-long nature hike, that’s okay. My… — Read More »
Hi Carradee, Love it! 😀 I’ve also read articles about the psychology of internal thoughts and how our brain can drop the “don’t” modifier. So if we word things like “don’t do X” or “avoid Y,” we can mess ourselves up if our brain remembers “do X” and “do Y.” In other words, like this attitude you mention here, we should focus on things in a positive way. As you said (better than I was able to emphasize in my post 😀 ), there’s always something we can do to take positive action. We might not have money to do X, but maybe we can make progress in another area by doing Y instead. Or maybe we could get there by backtracking to W. Or by learning how to do X ourselves. Or do Z to save up money for X. Etc. You’re right that we’re usually so much better about giving advice to others than we’re willing to tell ourselves. In fact, I think a lot of my growth has come because I’ve taken the position of trying to help others, and I see lessons in there for me too. I regularly go “Huh, that sort of applies to me and my X problem too.” LOL! So if we can reframe our attitude to think about what we can do or to take our own advice, etc., we might have an easier time of enjoying the journey. On Facebook, I commented on a podcast I just came across this… — Read More »
This saying goes around in my martial arts circles: “Behind every black is a person who never gave up.” Black belts aren’t magical or superhuman, they just kept going to class and training. They kept showing up. That’s my piece of advice for new people. “Just show up.” It’s pretty amazing how much we can accomplish when we simply take the time to go to class and train regularly, small step by small step.
I also like to focus on how good it feels when I’ve taken a step, no matter how small, towards accomplishing a goal. A good day writing is a step in the right direction. Yay for me!
I think we also need to remember our limitations, not the least of which is time. I’d love to learn how to draw better, but my time is better spent doing the things I really love to do, things I’m already good at but could be better. My goals have to be in alignment with the amount of time I have. If I took the time to learn to draw, I’d have to cut out something else, and I’m not willing to do that. Knowing our limitations also allows us to let go of a goal that isn’t working.
Thanks for the thoughtful post!
Hi Kim,
Fantastic point! It really is amazing how much we can accomplish just by showing up and doing our “job.” 🙂
I hear you on the not-enough-time thing. LOL! I have far more interests than I can pursue in one lifetime, so it’s all about prioritizing. And as you said, sometimes that means we have to let go of a goal. Thanks for sharing the great insights!
Great post, Jami! Words of wisdom, and an apt reminder to work towards your dreams. I recently listened to a great “transformation” webinar, where the speaker said, “The antidote for despair is action.” One of my new favorite quotes. 🙂
Hi Tamar,
Ooo! I love that quote. 😀 Thanks for sharing!
Yes, it’s an awesome quote! Glad you love it. 🙂
I’ve definitely struggled with this issue. Still am actually. It’s hard to admit publicly because I don’t have anything to complain about. I’m not busy with kids, don’t have a severely stressful or demanding job and have a very supportive husband.
So the only thing holding me back, is me. Low self confidence, doubt, anxiety, lack of accountability by someone other than me.
My biggest excuse in the past was my health issues. But I can’t hide behind those. I have to live my life.
One of the obstacles for me is decision-making. Your advice about making mistakes is spot on. I just have to keep remembering that.
Also, what you said about finding support is definitely key. A mentor, someone who knows exactly what you’re going through, but can keep you accountable and help you work through problems.
Great post and great advice from commenters!
Hi Marlene,
I can definitely relate to that “fear of making a decision and choosing the wrong option.” That paralyzed me for a long time, in fact. But my family encouraged me to set a deadline I’d be comfortable with, “If C doesn’t work out by X time, I’ll switch to D,” and then they held me to that with gentle reminders. 🙂
As you said, accountability can help, and my family knew my moods or other stresses, so they were good for me. (Personally, I have a hard time holding my online friends accountable because I don’t want to push when they’re having a bad day I don’t know about. But I’m always willing to push when they ask questions along the lines of, “So I should just do this, right?” LOL!)
I hope you find a combination of support and accountability that works for you! *hugs* Thanks for stopping by!
Hey Jami! I love the slow and steady approach as well, and it seems to me that too many people don’t realize the importance of the “small steps forward”. It doesn’t have to be something as big as selling a hundred books to count as a “step”; it could be something as simple as finishing your first draft of a novel. So I agree on your list of things to do that are small steps towards our goals. Lol I love that train track analogy! Yeah, honestly I would die of boredom if I achieved all my goals and had nothing else to strive for. 🙁 And the constant learning of new things in writing (and drawing!) is a big part of what makes writing so enjoyable and fulfilling. If I don’t get to learn new things anymore, I would also get bored to death eventually, lol. Also, I’ve heard the saying that great ideas are a dime a dozen, but executed and realized great ideas are what’s rare. I agree with this, because I hear people talk about some very interesting (to me) story ideas, yet they still haven’t written anything or written much, so those cool things are still only in their imagination, not written down to share with others. Not that they have to share the ideas if they don’t feel comfortable doing so, but I just think it’s a shame to keep great ideas only in your head and not have them put down in a… — Read More »
Hi Serena,
Yes, as a society, the big steps get all the attention, but we’ve probably all read interviews with a celebrity who talked about “I know it seems like I’m an overnight success, but really, I’ve been working toward this goal for 10 years.” Slow and steady don’t make the news, but often the big successes wouldn’t happen without that foundation.
A big part of my “life is a learning experience” attitude comes from something I’ve noticed about older people. The ones who stay young-like and as active as their bodies allow often try to learn something new every day. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but it’s the idea of little steps, little improvements.
For example, I know some 70 year olds who shun computers and some who want to learn all about email, Google, smart phones, and apps. In other words, some seem elderly and some don’t at all. It’s a difference of whether they’ve called themselves “done.”
Love it! And you’re so right–we’re often our worst enemy. 🙁 But if seeing any little step as improvement or progress helps us from beating ourselves up, we’ll be stronger for it. Thanks for the comment! 🙂
I just realized recently that having taken small steps to get to the goal of leaving my job to write full-time, I’d thought that was it, and if I didn’t have it all together with all this time available, I never would.
Now I realize that while my circumstances might not change – don’t really need to change – there’s still a lot of steps to take in myself, taking myself more seriously as a writer and being more serious about doing the work. I’d plodded along for months, but now I feel like I’m actually moving!
Hi Deborah,
Yay! Love to hear that. And you’re so right that much of this comes down to changes within ourselves. 🙂 Good luck with continuing that progress, and thanks for the comment!
Excellent post Jami. Good to have you back. I hope, other than illness, you enjoyed your visit and vacation with the family. Goals. That’s always been a touchy subject for me. I tend to not set them anymore because every time I do, it never happens. Something always comes along and wipes out those plans. So, I’ve learned to just roll with it and do my best. But that doesn’t mean I’m not driven. I still push to get things done. And maybe someday, I’ll get something back in return.
Hi Karen,
I can relate because I went through a superstitious phase where I worried that if I let the “universe” know what I wanted, it would find a way to make sure it didn’t happen. :/ Luckily my attitude change of seeing life as a journey helped me see that just because something didn’t happen on the schedule I wanted doesn’t mean that dream or goal or whatever is dead.
For example, we might have a goal of finaling in a contest, and then we don’t get it. However, if we think about WHY we wanted to final–in the big picture–that goal can transfer over to new specifics, such as getting recognition or feedback or support or validation a different way.
In other words, the goal is the big picture stuff, and the plan is the specifics. And yeah, we’re absolutely going to have to change, adjust, and adapt our plans, but the bigger goals of why can help us move in the right direction.
I bet you already do this. 🙂 So your approach of “rolling with it” for the plans while pushing to get things done for the bigger goals sounds just right. LOL! Good luck, and thanks for the comment!
When I first decided it was time to stop fooling around and do something about the thing I feel passionate about, I worried about following a pipe dream. So many other things I had tried fell down the virtual rabbit’s hole never to be seen again. But this time was different. The only problems I’m having with my dream is finding the money to do online workshops (because of limitations, in-person ones aren’t possible) and figuring out what skills I’m missing or need improvement on to catch up to the level of other skills. Skills will always need to be improved but some fall back and need more attention sometimes.
Hi Glynis,
I’ve had several interests and hobbies fall by the wayside as well, so I understand. That’s why it’s almost surprising to me that I stuck with writing so long. I guess that means I must really love it. LOL!
Yes! Sometimes the hardest thing is dealing with the “we don’t know what all we don’t know” hole. Even though I’ve read blog post after blog post about every subject of writing, I still fear that I’m missing some crucial skill that I don’t even know exists. 🙂 Good luck to you, and thanks for the comment!
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