Writer Dilemma: Private Life vs. Public Figures
Much has been made of the next generation’s expectation of privacy. If kids grow up putting their whole life on Facebook (or whatever comes next), if they record (and share!) everything with cellphone cameras, will privacy become meaningless?
For the rest of us, we often still struggle with maintaining a sense of privacy. Maybe we need the quiet of private, unshared thoughts to figure out who we are and what we want. Maybe we’re introverts who can feel like we’re giving away pieces of ourselves with public interactions. Or maybe we just like to control what leaves and enters our inner life.
Personally, I value privacy. I don’t share specifics about my family online, and I don’t post pictures of me at home or on vacation. So I get the desire to hold strangers at a distance for safety or privacy reasons. *smile*
Yet being a writer requires us to reveal ourselves to the public. In many ways, we are “public figures.”
Our stories often reveal deep truths about our worldview that we hold close to our heart. Our social media feeds will include our personal thoughts if we share more than just “buy my book” messages. Our email inboxes must be accessible to agents, editors, other writers, and readers/fans.
That means we have to find a balance between privacy and public sharing to be an author. We might all find a different line on that balance scale for where we feel comfortable, but sometimes a wrong choice might endanger us or our career.
So let’s take a look at some of the privacy issues we might run into in our writing life…
Real Name vs. Pen Name
There’s no “wrong” answer here. Some use pen names for marketing reasons (fitting in, obscuring gender, differentiating between genres). Some use pen names to stake out virtual real estate they can’t access with their overly common real name. And some writers have valid and important reasons for protecting their real name.
While using a pen name doesn’t provide the security of the Witness Protection Program, a pen name can add a layer of obfuscation so a random person can’t show up at an author’s front door (this really happened to an author I follow on Twitter) unless they’ve done research. That is, using a pen name requires a stalker to act like stalker rather than just having the information handed to them.
The more we want to share about ourselves online—personal pictures, kids’ names, specifics of where we live or work, etc.—the more important it might be to add protections in other ways.
However, for that layer of privacy to be effective, we’d have to be careful. Did we use our real name and address when purchasing our domain name? (That’s the www.something.com.) Domain registrations are public and easily accessible.
Did we start interacting in our writing life as our real name? When a friend changed from using her real name to a pen name, I took the time to update references here, but most places wouldn’t do that.
That’s why my recommendation has always been that before we start work on our platform (website, blog, social media, commenting on writing forums or sites, etc.), we should decide on our author name.
Real Picture vs. Fake Picture
Notice that I didn’t say “picture vs. non-personal image.” I understand the hesitancy in sharing our picture online. If we’re private, an image can feel very personal. So I don’t judge those who use a flower, celebrity, or cartoon likeness as social media avatars.
That said, there’s value in allowing people to see us as real. Book bloggers and reviewers are rightfully suspicious in dealing with new-to-them authors, and real pictures can tip the scales in earning trust among our connections.
But there’s a wrong way in trying to earn trust, and that’s by, well…not being trustworthy. That’s why, to me, there’s a huge difference between using a pen name and faking a whole persona.
As I stated in that above-linked post:
“In the case of a fake persona, who would I be trusting?:
The fake persona that doesn’t exist?
Or the person behind the persona who I know nothing about?
Um, no thanks. I’ll say neither.”
So I don’t trust those who use stock photos for their avatars. We all know a cartoon, or dog, or celebrity isn’t really what one of our connections looks like. Using one isn’t lying.
On the other hand, using a stock (or stolen) photo and pretending to be that person? That’s lying.
Just last week, I received a proposal for a guest post that I thought might be a good fit for my blog, but I wasn’t familiar with the author, so I searched her previous work. Oh look, a Google image search on her avatar at all those posts “she’d” bragged about proves she’s using a stock photo. *deletes email*
Yes, we all hide aspects of our life. It’s normal to not reveal our address, phone number, bank account number, etc. But hiding is different from lying and pretending to be someone else.
Besides, if we’re ever going to do book signings, visit reader events, or attend conferences, people are going to encounter the real us. Would we want our readers to not believe it’s really us in those situations?
Being Accessible vs. No Contact
There are many reasons why people might want to contact us in our writing life. An agent or editor might come across our writing and want to work with us. Reviewers or other authors might need to talk to us about business issues. Readers might want to send fan mail.
Yet I never cease to be amazed by writers who lock down their accounts and information so tightly that contact is impossible. I’ve even seen problems when the writers supposedly want to be contacted, all because they use screwy settings their email.
Kristine Kathryn Rusch has shared stories about existing editors and writing friends being unable to reach writers—even for issues where others are trying to give them money:
“Opportunities knock—when they can find the door.”
It’s far better to be accessible and potentially get a spam message here or there than to lock down methods of contacting us so much that we miss communications we want to receive.
Here are just some of the problems I’ve seen with attempting to connect with authors:
Website/Blog:
Every author’s website or blog should have a contact form, as that’s the default way for those potential agents, editors, or others to make contact. Contact forms are also a way to remain accessible without having to post our email address anywhere.
As recently as two years ago, about 50% of sites I visited didn’t have contact forms, and the percentages are improving too slowly. Also, when we upgrade the contact form software, we should make sure the form still works.
Email:
As email is our main form of contact, we need to be very careful about locking down our email too much. Spam-prevention technology can make mistakes and shouldn’t be trusted too far.
Many of my blog readers subscribe to receive my posts by email, so I see first-hand how email systems can screw up behind our back. Every day a post goes up, my inbox is flooded with “bounce notifications” from valid subscribers.
Now, I don’t pretend to think that the information I send out is life-or-death important. After all, I’m not sending out offers of representation or publishing contracts. *smile*
However, if I see messages bounce due to bad technology that should make it through my subscribers’ email systems, I wonder what other valid emails they might not be receiving.
- Example #1: Spam Detection based on Content
The technology often assumes that emails with multiple links are spam. (“This message looked like spam.”) I’ve had resource-filled blog posts and email replies with links to answer a reader’s questions all bounce. - Example #2: Whitelists of “Approved” Senders
Most email systems maintain blacklists of known spammers, but whitelists accept messages only from “approved” email addresses. That means people contacting us out of the blue with offers of representation, publishing contracts, invitations to anthologies, etc. are rejected with a “This user only accepts email from approved senders” message.
Too often, writers with this setting forget they have it. I’ve received messages on my contact form asking for advice, and then my reply bounces because they forgot to add me to the approved list. *head desk*
Worse, this technology also suffers from tons of false negatives. Even if an email address is on a “safe” white list, the system’s filter will frequently refuse the email anyway (as I see when a newsletter makes it through some weeks and not others).
As I mentioned, I see issues with these two technologies every week. If you’re signed up to receive my blog posts by email and don’t receive an email from me every Tuesday and Thursday, chances are your email system is blocking emails without your knowledge.
While we might not care about missing a blog post, these issues are possibly affecting our ability to receive email from others too. And most likely we’d never hear about it, as the blocked senders couldn’t easily let us know.
I wouldn’t recommend using white lists at all—how can we know who might want to contact us? And spam-detection works best if the message is flagged for us to be aware but not blocked completely.
Twitter:
Some writers mark their account to private so no one can see their tweets and others require TrueTwit validation. Either way defeats the point of Twitter, which is to connect to others.
Facebook:
Similarly, I don’t accept friend requests from people who have a blank FB Timeline, often because they’ve set everything to Friends Only. If I can’t figure out from their profile why someone might want to friend me, I don’t accept the request.
As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, it’s understandable to want to maintain some sense of privacy despite the need to be a public figure. The trick is in finding the balance.
Some things we can hide: our real name (if we wish), our personal information (address, phone, etc.), our politics or religious beliefs, etc. Some things we may need to reveal gain others’ trust (real picture, some Facebook posts, etc.). And other things we must open ourselves up to in the course of conducting business (Twitter account, email and/or contact form).
The right choices can help us feel secure and safe, but the wrong choices could affect our career. Hopefully, these tips will help us find the right approach for our situation. *smile*
Do you worry about privacy online? Do you struggle with the privacy vs. public figure line? What choices have you made to maintain your privacy? Do you disagree with any of my perspectives? Have you seen other issues related to privacy in your life or in interacting with other writers?
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This is definitely something I worry about. I do write under a pen name to protect my identity (I’m not out to relatives). Though I’ve struggled with keeping my real name and my pen name separated since I do go to book signings and conventions. It has been an adjustment but I think it’s worth it.
Most people who interact with me online know me by brohne, which is a name I’ve gone by for ten years now. I’ve been told it was a mistake to not put my real name on my twitter and other places, but I’ve not seen any problems with it. I just tell people it’s what I go by online and so far no one has had an issue with it. I suppose I’m making it harder for people to remember me so they can buy my books since they don’t constantly see my name. But I know for myself I don’t often look at who tweeted what, just the content of the tweet (same goes for other sites).
Though I could be doing this completely *ss backwards too. 😛
Davonne, I’m so curious about how you do this. I will probably use a pen name, but like you, I don’t intend to “come out” to relatives and friends, which I think makes this question SO much more complicated than if you’re just trying to maintain a bit of distance from the public. How do you ensure you keep your identity separate when you go to appearances? And have you ever thought about what you would do if, for instance, you hit it really big and magazines wanted to do profiles and your books got made into movies – at which point it seems like you would pretty much have to choose between having your real picture out there, or adopting a persona as a “famously reclusive” author?
Hi Ashley,
I’m not in the same situation as you and Davonne, but as I mentioned in my reply to Davonne, I hide my writing life from my extended family. I don’t talk about my writing, my books, my editing work, my workshops–nothing. I just pretend that part of my life doesn’t exist, and people generally pay less attention to us than we think, so they never ask. (What they think I do all day, I have no idea. Luckily, they’re on the other side of the country, so that helps. LOL!)
That said, I understand the concern you mentioned about becoming a big-time author. Personally, I’ve never wished to be famous or big time, and my situation might be part of the reason why. 😉
I hope you’re able to figure out an approach that works for you. Thanks for the comment!
I’m not worried about extended family (haven’t got much of it anyway!), I’m worried about my mom! And I assure you she will be interested. 🙂 I’d considered making her sign a contract to the effect of, if there’s something I’m comfortable sharing, I’ll give it to her, but she’s not to seek out or read anything else. She’d be insulted but I think she’d live by it, and I think she could be made to understand in time. Like you, part of my problem is that my family isn’t really a “fiction” family – it’s not that they think it’s beneath them, they just don’t read much of it, and I’m not sure they would understand how to look at it properly and not be offended if a character had an opinion or made a choice they don’t agree with. *sigh*
I know, of course, that it’s unlikely I’ll hit it big time, but as you say, it’s best to figure out your strategy in advance. 😉
Hi Ashley,
LOL! I hear you–my mom has read all my books. Luckily, she hasn’t encouraged my dad to read them too. O.o
She’s also pretty good about trying to understand my need for privacy, but it drives her crazy sometimes. (I think she wants to brag about me to others. “No, mom, just no.” *sigh*)
Oh yes! Good point about how those who don’t read fiction regularly might be more likely to judge us by our stories or characters. I would hope regular readers of murder mysteries would know not to assume an author is a murderer, and would therefore carry over that attitude to other genres, but sometimes you never know. Non-readers would likely be even more questionable. Good luck to you, and thanks for sharing! 🙂
Hi Davonne,
The right balance is definitely tricky to find when we have competing goals. For example, I tell my extended family that I’m not on social media–er, yeah… LOL! They’re always wanting to connect with me on Facebook, and I just give them a look and say I’m not on it. 😉
Could they find me if they tried? Sure. But I’m hoping they’re lazy. (As I’ve mentioned before, my extended family thinks fiction is below them, much less romance, much less paranormal romance. *sigh*) I’ve been the black sheep since I was born, but I don’t need to hand them ammunition. 😀
I’m don’t think there’s “one right way” to handle these situations, so all we can do is find the best solution for us. *hugs* Thanks for sharing!
I know many authors use pen names. But the latest issue is Facebook trying to delete fake accounts and is locking out authors using pen names.
Hi Janet,
Good point! I haven’t heard enough about these cases to know if these were authors who had a personal profile and a pen name profile (which has always been against their TOS, but widely ignored and therefore risky), or if these were authors who were doing too much promo and selling and business-related stuff from their profile, or if it’s just FB picking on random accounts (or picking on accounts that others have reported for being “fake”–perhaps for trollish reasons)…or a bit of all of the above. 🙂
I know some have gotten their account back because they were able to prove…something? to FB–like the name is legitimately used? Honestly, FB is so random at picking on people and accounts (and so terrible about responding to requests for help) that it seems there’s little we can do to prevent being a target. Yet another reason that we shouldn’t depend on a platform that we don’t own. :/ Thanks for chiming in with that reminder!
As a newby writer (retired finally), I’m soaking up everything I can find to help me write romance. This blog post hits the pros and cons of the writer’s life dilemma of privacy issues. Love it.
And thank you once again for your detailed helpful posts! Along with your various templates, I’m learning a new way of thinking and planning about story. Cheers.
(note to self – get a domain name with a proper email address! mine has my grandma name Winky in it. Sigh.)
Hi Celia,
I’m happy to help! Yes, there are many pros and cons to the writing life, and I hope I can shine a light onto some issues that aren’t addressed as often. 🙂 Good luck with your writing, and thanks for the comment!
Well done, Jami. I, too, don’t understand writers who make themselves inaccessible to their followers. I’m sure in many cases it’s oversight or ignorance, but often its fear and on occasion it’s ego. I came across someone who gave knowledgeable advice on a topic (not fiction writing). You could subscribe, but couldn’t contact the blogger via email or comment (it was explicitly stated). Now the person, who still doesn’t allow contact, is offering classes. Yeah, I don’t think so.
Who I am is central to what I write so I’m relatively open to the public. I’ve developed issues with FB culture over the last year, but still maintain a presence (still working that out). Even so, I’m on FB, WP, Twitter, and Pinterest and people are free to message me via all those sites. What people don’t know is that my real name and my pen name are the same. 😉
Hi Christina,
Good point! There are many reasons why writers might not be open to contact, but hopefully this will help clear up the oversight and ignorance issue (and might provide tips for the fear issue). Dealing with ego is beyond me. LOL! Thanks for sharing that insight! 🙂
Jami,
I’ve pondered the questions you discuss for years now. I’ve owned my domain name since the late 90s, but there’s nothing there because I don’t know WHAT to put there yet.
I struggle with the whole Twitter/Facebook/other social media stuff. I’ve got a Twitter account I can’t seem to get back into (frustrating, despite my use of LastPass to hold my passwords!). But I’m too long-winded thus far to really make Twitter work for me. On Facebook, I’m friended to just a couple authors. The more prolific and unrelated to their books it is, the less I read it. (Actually, FB is such a time-sink for me these days, I tend to avoid it 4 days out of 5, if I can!)
I am not convinced a modern author needs to do ALL the social media outlets. If they do, I always wonder if someone else is actually doing it for them. Is there a guide on “what to tweet about if you’re an author”? 🙂
You might like the example of Kim Harrison/Dawn Cook (http://www.locusmag.com/Perspectives/2009/05/kim-harrison-secret-identity.html) when talking about writing under multiple names. She’s been “out” about the dual identity since 2009.
I’ve still not decided whether I’ll publish as “Anne” or with initials like Rowling, Stirling and so many others. But, *blush* I have gone to the bookstore to see which author my books would shelve close to.
Anne.
Hi Anne,
I tweet or share only about 1 out of 5 things I consider sharing, often because of privacy concerns. So I understand how it’s hard to figure out where that balance is with social media, especially if we’re uncomfortable with the medium to begin with.
My Twitter for Introverts workshop has some ideas for what we can tweet about, but as you said, we also shouldn’t feel pressured to be on ALL the social media. LOL! We have writing to do! 😀 Good luck figuring out what will work best for you, and thanks for sharing!
A pen name sounds fun, but as you said, I already started participating in writing forums and groups with my real name, lol. Oh that’s a good idea to have an author site with a contact form, so we won’t need to share our email with strangers. I should do that and probably put the link to it on my Facebook account. Yikes! Haha yes, I not only limit almost all of my posts to friends nowadays, I usually limit them to only friends I trust with certain posts. (Honestly I probably use FB’s custom filter function much more than the average person does, haha.) Well I don’t really write inappropriate stuff, but I know there are some interests of mine that others may dislike, even if they are harmless interests. Like you know I’m a great Pokemon fan, and many of my posts are about Pokemon, but unfortunately many people think Pokemon is “only for children”. -_- But really, Pokemon is one of the most amazingly complex fictional worlds I have ever encountered (that there are now more than 700 different species is just the beginning), so I wouldn’t say it’s “childish”, haha. And sometimes I might post about some dreams I had; there isn’t anything “improper” about the dreams either, but I still wouldn’t want everyone to know about my dreams. :O Anyway yeah, I often write about things that, while they are harmless, I wouldn’t want certain strangers (and friends) to see them, lol. But it’s a… — Read More »
Hi Serena,
I limit some of my posts on FB, either for privacy reasons or because the information is only of interest to a smaller group, but my default is public. That setting helps me remember to only post things I’d be okay with FB “accidentally” making public. LOL! (Get the sense I don’t trust them? 😉 )
So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with limiting “niche” status updates to just the circle of friends you know would be interested in the topic. However, some friend requests come from accounts that are completely blank other than an update for a cover photo and/or avatar picture. I should be able to see some of their Likes for books, movies, sports teams, etc. or something, or else I’m going to assume they’re a spammer account.
And yes! If we’re writers, we should say so in our About section. Absolutely! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
This is an ongoing struggle I have. I’m a very private person in my real life. I squirm at every family event because I know my brother is going to pull out his phone for pictures and post them online without asking. It’s not just him though. It seems like accepted practice now that people take photos and tag you (specifically on Facebook), so we have very little control over certain elements of our own privacy. Photos of us are out there whether we want them to be or not. It’s not just pictures, though, that I struggle with. It’s the “how much” in how much of our lives do we share online considering that, as writers, we are technically public figures and it seems to be expected of us to share openly. One of the pieces of wisdom we hear about blogging is to be vulnerable and share our lives. (When I say “blogging” here, I mean blogging as fiction writers in the hopes of attracting readers rather than blogging about a non-fiction topic like writing.) I share some elements of my life on my blog, but I limit it quite a bit because I’m just not comfortable with sharing my private life on the internet. And then I feel like I’m failing because I’m not creating those great “connecting stories” with my blog readers. I haven’t yet figured out how to balance it all in a way that I’m comfortable with that also helps me build a readership.… — Read More »
Oh, isn’t it awful when people plaster you on the internet? Apparently these days you even have to ask people not to do this at weddings! I have a simple solution, though: I don’t have a Facebook account, so Facebook refuses to tag me in photos. It decides I’m just part of the background 🙂
Of course, if you love Facebook that might not work for you so well, but I feel I’m maintaining my online presence with my blog, so I can live without it. And this way I have more control of how much of my life is public and how much stays personal.
Hi Deborah,
Ha! Yes, I have my FB set to not suggest to people that they tag me, so it’s similar. 🙂
I can certainly understand the decision to stay off FB though. LOL! Thanks for sharing!
Hi Marcy,
OMG–That public posting of pictures is literally one of my nightmares. I think I’ve ranted about the privacy issue enough that my family knows better, as none of them have done this. I might have them scared…of me. LOL!
I also have my FB set so people can’t tag me in pictures, so my family couldn’t invade my privacy that way, even if they tried.
I’m fine with posting pictures with permission or during a public event (like a group picture at a writing conference–I’m prepared for it then), but otherwise? *shudder* (I’m actually a little creeped out by parents who post their kids’ pictures because they can’t give consent. I know, I know, I’m so not a good fit for this “sharing” lifestyle. LOL!)
As far as the issue with revealing ourselves through blogging, I understand. The balance I’ve found here is that I don’t talk about everything in my life, but what I do talk about is genuine and authentic. I don’t know if there’s a “right” or “wrong” level, but it’s what I’m comfortable with, so… *shrug* 🙂 Good luck figuring out what works for you, and thanks for the comment!
My problem is that I picked a pen name based on the fact that I like androgynous names and also X-Men! My first novel was a paranormal romance that featured a love triangle between a succubus and two humans. There were plenty of religious easily offended family members that I didn’t want reading my supernatural sex scenes. So I was vague about the name of the book, it’s content and my name!
Logan Grey was an homage to Jean Grey and Wolverine from X-Men, but no one told me it was also the name of a famous Georgia football player! Ugh. Now I have a published novel with that name, a twitter, blog, facebook, google plus, linkedin, etc. I’m not sure how to fix it and I don’t want to give up my name. I’m not trying to hide from anyone anymore. If people are offended by my words they’ll just have to be offended. I’m not going to alienate myself to possible readers by editing out all the good stuff, but do have any suggestions on how I could distinguish myself from other Logan Grey’s?
Hi Logan,
Good question! I can relate. 🙂 If someone misspells my name with an “e”–Jamie–my name matches a famous (male) poker player. *sigh*
I did a search on “logan grey author,” and you come up as the first entry, so that’s good! However, if I misspell “grey” as “gray,” you’re no longer on the first page.
In comparison, if someone searches for “jamie gold author,” I still come up on the first page. (Without the “author,” the poker player takes over the results.) I’m not sure, but that good result even with a misspelling might be because I have the misspellings (both “jamie gold” and “jamie gold author”) in the metadata for my homepage here.
You already have all the virtual real estate (Twitter handle, etc.), so I see no reason to change your name. For more differentiation, you’d want to make sure that the misspellings would bring people to your page if they added “author.” As I said, a metadata change might help with that. If you can’t make that happen, maybe you could go with Logan J. Grey (to go along with your Twitter name)?
I hope that helps! 🙂 Good luck and thanks for the comment!
The only issue I have with using my real name is that my first name has a zillion different pronunciations, Aside from that< I just wanted to be real. While I didn't have a profile photo of me in the beginning, I now have one (though I hope to get a nicer pro-level one one of these days-selfies have their limitations, BTW) Before I post anything on social media (esp. on Facebook) is ask myself if I can live with the potential outcome. If yes, I do. If no, I don’t. Or I’ll tweak it so it’s still honest, but less negative or dramatic. Something I sometimes I have a hard time with you, as you know by now, Jami.(LOL) Since I don’t just leap into any new (or not so new) social platform right away, I learned from others fumbles and came in less rough around the edges. While sometimes that makes building platform on a specific site, you at least keep your early errors to the barest possible minimum. I also keep certain things about my family private since I respect their privacy. I also don’t talk about politics or other touchy subjects. Sometimes there are exvaptions that I can’t avoid, and frankly want to speak to, but otherwise there are some things I won’t share online. This is especially important for someone like me who gets so dramatic and passionate about everything. It can come off to others as being rude or hopelessly (and unmeaningly) negative. I’m… — Read More »
Hi Taurean,
Great tip! Yes, before I post something, I always ask myself that million-dollar question–do I really want to share this? LOL! Or to get more specific, as you said, are we prepared to deal with the consequences or fallout? That’s also a good insight you mentioned about watching how others succeed (or fail) in different platforms before jumping in ourselves.
Like you, there are sometimes things I’d like to speak (or rant) about, but I decide it’s just not worth it. As you said, the whole “internet is forever” thing reminds us to be cautious and mindful. Thanks for sharing your perspective! 🙂
Thanks for replying, Jami,
But when I brought up the “Internet is Forever” thing, I really meant it we often use that truism to the extreme and that it makes people overly paranoid to do ANYTHING fearing any little slip up will scar their rep for life, and that’s not any healthier than oversharing IMHO.
There is a difference between being cautious and being paranoid. A minor snafu versus potentiel rep disruptor (I don’t want to say “Killer” because that nullifies nuance and second chances that most of us deserve and frankly need) It’s just the line is different for some versus others.
That said, I try more and more to lessen my intensity at times. But I don’t think you’re as volatile and dramatic as I am (at least with what you share here), this is why I was of the last of my generation to join Facebook (LOL)
It might also be why I like Twitter so much, despite being annoyed with the restrictive char. count at times. It helps me temper my emotions since you have so little room to say anything, especially when using hashtags.
Hi Taurean,
I agree! That’s why I pointed out your wording of caution vs. the (as you said) paranoid attitude that can freeze us. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Hi Jami,
I also think it’s a balancing act to ensure our privacy (or private) life is protected. When I first starting blogging I used one of my art designs as the Gravatar. I now have my photo which allows others to know I exist in some way. I also try not to friend those who have no connection with me or through other friends on FB. Sometimes, I’m fooled. All that to say, thank you for food for thought. 🙂
Hi Tracy,
I wasn’t always as cautious about friending people on FB–when we first start out, we might be grateful for any friends. 😉 But now I try to be fooled less often. LOL! Thanks for sharing!
Wow! So much to consider – and more to learn about. (It’s endless!) I am a newbie author and have a pen named picked out, but haven’t begun to use it. I have FB, Twitter, Instagram, etc., and still have my personal accounts for those – except I’ve switched to kellybwrites for Twitter from a previous one. I guess I better figure this out soon.
This was my first email from you and I look forward to the next. Thank you, Jami for such excellent information and a friendly and informative forum.
That’s Kelly Burch, btw. Talk about being secretive.
Hi Kelly,
LOL! Yep, hard to get our name out there as writers without sharing the whole thing. 😉
Hi Kelly,
LOL! Yep, it does seem like we have endless stuff to learn, doesn’t it? 🙂 Good luck with your new writing endeavor, and thanks for the comment!
I have a FB account. In fact, I have two. Both were set up many years ago when hackers weren’t as numerous and people generally were civil on the social media sites. I should probably get rid of the account that is secondary — one less headache. I rarely am on FB anymore because of the aforementioned problems. However, I do have my blog set up to automatically post my entries on FB. I guess I’m using this social media site as kind of a bulletin board like the ones you may see at the grocery store.
I also have a Twitter account but I do pop in there on occasion as well as having my posts broadcasted there. The people at Twitter keep their communications not only civil, but are usually kind and friendly — much more enjoyable.
Sure, I’m probably missing out on “fans” because of my inactivity at FB, but I also don’t have the rude comments and spam either that is so prevalent at FB.
Hi Glynis,
Yes, I get into moods on FB. Sometimes I don’t do much more than post blog articles, and other times I get into the spirit of the site. I have a sort-of-like/hate relationship with it. LOL!
I know the marketing people say that we have to be where our audience is, but I also believe we can’t be authentic and genuine if we genuinely don’t like a platform. All we can do is our best, so I hope you’re able to find your audience where you like to hang out. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
This is a pen name as my real name is a pain in the ass (Lolita comes with far too much baggage). I bought my domain a few years ago (no website set up as yet) but what I didn’t realise was that the registration details were public! I was doing a Google search on my name and was horrified to see my postal address, email address, home phone number AND mobile number all listed for the world and his missus to see! I soon got that fixed :-p
I do use a genuine photo of me on Twitter although it was taken when I was 11 months old! I hate photos of myself beyond about 12. Something went horribly wrong and I became very unphotogenic 🙁 I do intend to do a selfie at some stage, I’m just waiting until I’ve shed a few more pounds and am having a good skin day!
Hi Lara,
I’m glad you were able to discover–and fix!–that issue before it caused any problems. 🙂
LOL! to your genuine photo. 🙂 I’m friends with many people who don’t use a current photo for their avatar, so like I said, I don’t judge people for that. I only judge those who deceive. Thanks for sharing!
This is something I’ve given a lot of thought to, and something I’m constantly weighing and balancing in execution. Ultimately, I find that many of my lines are sort of arbitrary. For example, I publicly post pictures of my office, but not other areas of my house. I think of the office as part of my job, but the rest is part of my family. Random? Yes, but it gives me some boundaries that make me feel good. Likewise, I’ll mention my husband in tweets and blogs, usually by nickname, but I don’t post pictures of him. Is telling an anecdote about him really less personal than people knowing what he looks like? Maybe not, but, again, the line I’ve drawn in my head makes *me* feel like I have some privacy left, and that not all of my life is available to anyone who stumbles across me online. It’s always a tough balance, though. Important subject and thoughtful post, Jami!
Hi Annie,
Oh yes! I can relate. 🙂 I’ve posted pictures of my desk occasionally (right now, it’s too messy–LOL!), but as you said, that feels different. It’s work as opposed to personal.
So much of our sense of privacy IS in our head, so whatever boundaries feel right to us (assuming we’ve thought them through) are good. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
[…] can be a double-edged sword. Jami Gold discusses the writer’s dilemma of balancing being a public figure but keeping a private […]
I like compartmentalizing and yet I also love busting out of boxes I create, so I have two twitter accounts (private and author) and end up posting almost everything on my author twitter anyway.
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Fail. 🙂
I go by a pen name (Ekaterine Xia), partially because I write fantasy and it fits better than my “real name”. It’s complicated by the fact that my legal name is a transliteration from my Chinese birth name, but my Chinese legal name has since changed and I’ve never bonded to my English legal name…
My family knows about my pen name and my parents have gone around giving everyone copies of my first book (horror), but it’s in English and most of them only speak and read in Chinese so disaster averted. Suffice to say that I’m not keen on my traditional family reading about my thoughts on non-traditional configurations of love…
That said, if I publish anything more explicit, I will definitely be using another pen name that I will not be telling anyone about.
It is all in my mind though. My friends know my pen name, but as far as I know, none of them have actually read my books and I don’t think my family has either. Or if they have, they haven’t said anything about it. At all. I don’t advertise it and I don’t shove my books at them, so it really is very much a non-issue for the moment.
Hi Katje,
Wow! Yes, that name situation is complicated, so a pen name that you can make your own sounds like a great option for you. The important thing is that you’re thinking about it ahead of time. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
[…] are often introverts, yet we must appear in public to sell our books. Jami Gold examines the writer dilemma of private life vs. public figure, and Kathryn Craft describes how finding your tribe can change your writing […]
[…] a huge difference between using a pen name and faking a whole persona. Pen names don’t require us to become a different person. We can still be “us” […]