What’s the Hardest “First Step” You’ve Taken?

As I write this post (late) Monday night, I just returned home after the regional writing conference, Desert Dreams. I had a great time, met wonderful people, attended thought-provoking workshops, and pitched for the first time (and the second time and the third time).
I think the pitches went well. I got requests and I didn’t throw up on anyone. *smile* In fact, I wasn’t nervous in the slightest.
Let me put this into perspective. Last Thursday before the conference, I was a nervous wreck. Hyperventilating, shivering, feeling sick to my stomach, etc. I didn’t get any sleep Thursday night. None. Zero. Nada. Not even dozing off for 5 minutes in the middle of the night. (Great way to start a conference, right?)
Luckily, my family was there for me. Their support kept me from thinking about backing out. They even drove me to the conference to make sure I arrived.
And from the time I stepped out of the car at the entrance to the hotel/conference center, I was fine. No nerves or anything.
I was rather shocked at that extreme change. How could I go from “ready to throw up” nerves to being calm and confident that quickly?
As the conference was winding down, I shared this story with two new friends. One of them, Rose Meyer (and Rose, I apologize if I spelled your name wrong. I can’t find your card, did I get one? I’m so brain dead right now I barely know my name. Anyway…) said:
“You’d left the plane.”
She was referring to the stories the other woman, Melissa Borg, and I had shared about skydiving. We’d talked about how once you leave the plane, there’s no going back. After that step, there’s no point in being nervous. Gravity ensures that you’re just along for the ride.
The conference was a similar situation. Once I’d left my ride behind, I was stuck there, so I may as well go with the flow.
This was definitely a time when the anticipation was worse than the reality. I think that reaction happens to many of us. We build up stress and worry, and then we wonder why we suffered through all that when everything goes well.
Some of us might freak out at the thought of sharing our work with beta readers for the first time. Or sending a query letter to an agent. Or submitting a final draft to an editor. Etc., etc.
I think this is something that gets better with time and experience. I hope so anyway. I have my workshop with Rachel Graves to look forward to at RWA Nationals this July, and I hate to think of how worked up I’ll be before that. RWA Nationals is ten times as big as this regional conference was, and presenting to a roomful of people is different than pitching to a single person.
I’m pointing out to myself that I no longer stress about sending query letters (I still don’t like writing the darn things, but that’s a separate matter) or sharing my work with beta readers. I hope other new experiences will soon become “old hat” as well.
All I know is that when we’re first doing something new, that “first step” takes a lot of courage. We’re risking something different from what we’ve ever risked before. We might have to psych ourselves up with not only “I’ll be fine” thoughts, but also “this step will be worth it” cheers.
For me, this step of pitching for the first time was worth it. We can’t move forward and progress without risk. Yes, that first step can be a doozy, but we’ll often find that the rest of the problem isn’t as hard as we’d anticipated.
Do you struggle with “first steps”? Which ones have you fought to get past? How did you do it? Have you found it to get easier with time? If you’ve done an in-person pitch, what was your experience?
Photo credit: Janky
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Yay, am so glad it went well! And great analogy about skydiving! Though you couldn’t pay me enough to do that. But back to this post–Unfortunately, so many people are scared of that first step that they never even take it. I think at that point too, when you’re as prepared as you were, it’s all a head game from there on out, and you had your head in the game. We can either let it control us and talk ourselves into a blabbering idiot, or we can control it and do the best we can….
So glad it went well!!
Hi Angela,
I don’t blame you about the skydiving thing. Why jump out of a perfectly good airplane, right? 🙂
You’re absolutely right about how people can be so scared of that first step that they never take it. Some people who say they want to write a book–but never do–probably fall into that category.
I knew I had a great premise (no less than Martha Alderson, the Plot Whisperer, told me that when I practiced my elevator one-line on her–great confidence builder, let me tell you! 🙂 ), so it was a matter of just letting my pitch do it’s thing. I probably rambled too much with ad-libbing part of the pitch to make it more conversational, but… *shrug* It was good enough, and now I know not to do that. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Hi, Jami,
Woo-hoo! Glad it went well for you. I knew it would.
I’d love to comment on the first step of things, but you know me… I leap first and ask questions later. 😉
Riley Murphy
Hi Riley,
LOL! Yes, you do. 🙂 Thanks for the vote of confidence and the comment!
Yay!!! I’m so glad everything worked out.
I usually get stressed like that before a big event. Two days before my wedding I was looking at the place markers and I thought table was spelled incorrectly on every single one. I learned to spell table when I was six. So glad that is over.
It’s been a lot of firsts for me this past year – first time I sent work to an editor, first query letter, first round with beta readers. All of these firsts are exhausting and awesome all at the same time.
Hi Buffy,
I’m glad I’m not the only one. (And yes, sometimes I’ve forgotten how to spell “you,” and it looks wrong no matter what I do. *sigh*) I still get a bit nervous about going on an airplane even though a) I’m not scared of flying at all, and b) I’ve flown tons of times. I think it’s more about the anticipation of the unknown than anything.
That’s wonderful that you’ve taken all those first steps this year! And none of it killed you, right? 🙂 Good luck continuing to move forward, and thanks for the comment!
I friggin hate first steps. I’ve gotten better about dealing with them, but after every MAJOR decision, I have to have some time to reflect and recover.
I’m just glad that I have 6 months to prepare for my first pitch with an agent in October. If I was pitching at the OWFI conference this weekend, I think I’d be throwing up right now.
Hi Rebekah,
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I never actually threw up, but for a bit there I was seriously worried. 🙂 You’re not alone. Thanks for the comment!
Congrats on navigating the pitches! I’ve never done a “live” pitch and it would probably give me heart-failure. My most recent first step was doing my first reading/booksigning. I swear I was ready to bolt up until the second I started talking. Then I was okay. I’m about to do my ninth and tenth this weekend….and I’m still threatening to bolt.
Hi Suzanne,
Ooo, good one! And congratulations on your book tour going so well!
Your experience mirrors mine, that once we started, we were okay. But boy, does the anticipation kill you. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Congratulations on your your first, second, and third pitch, Jami! So proud of you for receiving requests! 😀
So far the hardest first step I’ve taken is handing over my babies to Beta Readers and Critique Partners. The pitching session you had on here earlier this year was another one, though I wasn’t as ‘anxious’ over that one…just pulling-my-hair-out frustrated. LOL! I’m so glad your family was there with you when you took that first step too. That’s incredibly special to have them share in that with you. 🙂
Wish I could be there at RWA Nationals so we could meet and I could pick your brain in person. Instead, I’m heading to Colorado for a few days to spend some time with Margie Lawson in August. Hopefully I’ll be able to make it to Nationals next year.
Congrats again!
Hi Melinda,
Yeah, I’m with you on the pulling-your-hair-out frustrated when it comes to coming up with the “perfect” pitch. And yes, I wish you were going to Nationals too. 🙁
But you’ll have a great time with Margie. Let me know if you want to do a guest post afterward with your insight into what you learn there. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Thank you, Jami! That would be awesome! 🙂 I’ll be sure to let you know shortly after I get back. I’m incredibly excited and starting to get stressed…gotta get this MS as shiny as possible before I go. 😉
Hi Melinda,
Nah. Don’t get stressed. This is a fabulous learning opportunity. Soak up the knowledge. 🙂
Congrats on conquering your first pitch, Jami! Your post is perfect timing for me. I am attending my first writing conference this weekend (OWFI) and I can’t figure out if I’m going to throw up from excitement or terror.
I decided if I’m really serious about writing, I need to do things that will put me out of my comfort zone to move forward. So, I joined a critique group and shared my writing. Scary! I took classes at the local community college and read my pieces in front of the class. Double scary! I joined a state affiliate group and spoke on blogging for writers at a monthly meeting. Craziness! And now, I will do the most painful thing for me to do: meet new people. Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m encouraged my throw up response will go away once I’m in no-turning-back mode. 🙂
Hi Kristin,
Have a great time at your conference! Angela Quarles wrote a great post about pitching nerves that I meant to link to in the post, but wow, was I brain dead after the conference. If this post is in English, I’m happy. If it’s coherent, I’m thrilled. LOL!
Good luck with all your first steps this weekend! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
In school I was painfully shy and could barely stammer my way through an oral book report. Fast forward to my corporate career when I worked in marketing support and made presentations to the top brass at major NYC banks…not a blip on the nervous scale. Why? I knew my stuff.
That said, once I finish my WIP I will be a nervous wreck when I send it out to my my alpha/beta readers.
Hi Donna,
Take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. 🙂 That’s great to hear about how you were able to move out of your comfort zone so much. Thanks for sharing and thanks for the comment!
This took me back! I remember my first “big” writers conference and I felt the same way. (Praying not to throw up on anybody!) Now I’m multi-published, and last year I was a presenter at a writers conference–on the other side of the podium, but with the same crazy-nervous sleep-deprived feelings. Even worse when I got there and found out I had the biggest enrollment of any class–and I was going to be teaching in the huge lecture hall that sat over 200 people. And I recognized some of the names on my class list–local TV and radio celebrities. Yikes!
But once I got up there in front of them and started to speak, the calm came in. I made it through (without even throwing up) This summer I’ll be teaching at several, and I don’t think of them with the same nervousness at all. It does get easier–but there’s always a new baby step to take. Great post!
Hi Anne,
That gives me hope that I’ll survive my workshop this summer. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your experience!
See, I knew you’d do great 🙂
Hi Gene,
I’m glad someone knew. 🙂 Thanks for the comment–and the support on Twitter!
Awesome! Congrats on your success. I love the post.
Pitching for me is the easy part. Writing the a blurb is cake. Queries, no big deal. Allowing my babies into the hands of readers… *trembling knees* It stinks being a perfectionist. *sigh*
Hi Crystal,
I’m jealous. Let me know if you want to write my query for me. 😉
And yes, I understand your perfectionist issue. My perfectionism has changed me from a “gerund? what’s that?” dunce to a Grammar Nazi. If something is learnable, I’ll learn it. 🙂 Good luck with your hard step and thanks for the comment!
Congrats on the pitching going well. I had a similar experience the first time I pitched (last year at the Philadelphia Writer’s Conference).
And there IS a big difference between presenting and pitching. In pitching, you want something from the person you’re pitching to–that’s what makes it so nerve-wracking. In presenting, the audience wants something from YOU–you are simply supplying your knowledge (and charm), which should leave you very confident, since who else can be you better than you can?
Good luck with everything, and I’m glad you had a great experience!
Hi Kerry,
Good point! 🙂 Yes, for me presenting is more about the pressure I put on myself to make sure I make the workshop worth the audience’s time. And we’re going to be prepared and knowledgeable about our subject. Thanks for the comment!
I haven’t attended a conference in ages. I want to go to something this summer. good job on calming your nerves and putting yourself out there.
……..dhole
Hi Donna,
This was only my second conference. (My first was the monstrously huge RWA National conference two years ago.) The size of regional conferences are really nice. Big enough to attract agents and editors, but not so big as to be quite as overwhelming. I hope you get a chance to make it to one! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Congratulations to a successful and fun weekend. Leaving the plane applies to life in general. I can remember so many times when the worrying, the stress, and fear vanished. The only thing left was to perform.
Next year will be the year I start attending events and I am looking forward to all the excitement, the fear, and meeting so many great writers.
Good Luck, and thanks for such a great post.
Hi Shain,
Absolutely! This doesn’t apply just to writing-related events. And that knowledge of how we’ve handled stresses in other circumstances can help us see our way through our current situation. 🙂 I hope I’ll get to meet you eventually, and thanks for the comment!
[…] Gold shares her first pitching experience and asks what’s the hardest “first step” you’ve ever taken. Lara Schiffbauer reminds us that most pressure comes from within, and it can be either […]
You’d left the plane-that is so true! Just last week I was in a similar situation feeling so incredibly nervous and then when I was there, I was ok and I also wondered why. That explains it!
Congrats on getting requests! 🙂
Hi Coleen,
Yes, I literally gave Rose a high five when she said that because it was such a brilliant observation. 🙂 Thanks for the comments!
That’s great that you got the jitters out before you arrived at the conference. I love that skydiving analogy. That’s a good one. I used to get so nervous, too. Once I decided self-publishing was a viable option, I didn’t get so nervous, but let things run their course. I was much more comfortable talking to the editors and agents then because everything didn’t depend on going that route. I actually enjoyed talking to them more as peers or other people I met at the conference. Taking the pressure off makes it much more enjoyable! Good luck to you with your WIPs that were requested. That’s exciting!
Hi Lynn,
Great point! Yes, there are multiple agents and editors out there for most genres, so even if we have our heart set on the route of traditional publishing, we’re still not desperate for one specific editor or agent. And you’re also right about how we can be free to talk to them as peers or “regular people.” 🙂
I knew I wasn’t looking for pitching to editors directly, and I had two lovely conversations with editors. One of them is a major editor-in-chief and we just shot the breeze and talked about the industry in general (one-on-one!) for about 45 minutes. It was fabulous! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Congrats, Jami! So glad you enjoyed the conference and pitched with confidence.
One of my hardest-ever first steps had nothing to do with writing or career. It was stepping into a pool to learn how to swim in my 20s. I’m a complete water-phobe and had never floated or even dunked myself fully under water until then. I nearly cried when I broke my not-floatable record…and scared the toddlers in the pool big time. 😉
Those first steps really often are the toughest, and the most important. Once we get past them, we have so much strength to carry over to the rest of our lives. I know the conference was another beginning of wonderfulness in your writing career.
Hi August,
Great example! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I didn’t learn to swim until I was about 8, so I can remember it clearly. Too often, we become convinced we can’t do something until we do. Thanks for the comment!
[…] Experience. Before I left I ran across Jami Gold’s post about pre-conference jitters What’s The Hardest “First Step” You’ve Taken which I could totally relate to. I took her advice about getting into “no-turning […]
[…] can be painfully uncomfortable in group situations (to the point that I’ve had panic attacks before every in-person writing conference I’ve attended). On the inside, I’m cringing and thinking everything I say is idiotic […]
[…] at WANACon, I’ll be presenting at two in-person conferences this year. (Believe me, given the panic attacks I have before every in-person conference, this is a bigger risk than you might […]
[…] Gold shares her first pitching experience and asks what’s the hardest “first step” you’ve ever taken. Lara Schiffbauer reminds us that most pressure comes from within, and it can be either […]